The Taboo of Marrying Young

In the Jane Austen novels (uh... not that I...uh... I ever read... nevermind) there was a social stigma slapped onto every woman marrying late in life. Marry soon and marry young! That was every woman's drive.

Today, not so. Parents, grandparents, teachers, and sociologists are encouraging young whippersnappers like me to wait, to experience life, to enjoy singleness, to grow into the man I'm going to be, to get me education, and then consider settling down and getting hitched. The social taboo has almost made a complete turnaround.

As someone who married young (at least relatively in today's society, I was 22 and my wife was 21) I really appreciated the latest opinion piece in the WSJ. David Lapp, the author, and his wife married at the exact same age as my wife and I. In his article, he takes the "marry late" advice head-on.

He tackles the four main reasons given for marrying later in life.

1) Financial. Don't get married young, wait and save up money and get yourself financially established.

What about the money? Social scientists use the term "marriage premium" to describe how, over time, married couples save and build more wealth than otherwise-similar singles or cohabiting couples. Part of the reason is simply that married couples have two incomes to pool and draw from. But as a group of leading family scholars notes in "Why Marriage Matters," a report published by the Institute for American Values, marriage itself appears to encourage thrifty behavior. It makes sense: Knowing that my spending and savings habits affect not just me but also my wife and future family, I'm more likely to set a budget, pack a lunch, and put some money in savings instead of buying that new iPhone. The upshot is that my wife and I are able to pay off our college debt more quickly than we could by ourselves.

2) More likely to get divorced the younger you get married (so says the culture)

While it's true that teenage marriages are a significant predictor of divorce, it turns out that marriages of people in their early to mid-20s are not nearly as much at risk. According to a 2002 report from the Centers for Disease Control, 48% of people who enter marriage when under age 18, and 40% of 18- and 19-year-olds, will eventually divorce. But only 29% of those who get married at age 20 to 24 will eventually divorce—very similar to the 24% of the 25-and-older cohort. In fact, Hispanics who marry between the ages of 20 and 24 actually have a greater likelihood of marital success (31% chance of divorce) than those who first marry at age 25 and older (36% chance of divorce).

3) You need to wait because you need to explore and experienec the world

It's a false dichotomy [staying single and having adventure versus getting married and having none]. Instead of trekking to Africa or exploring Rome alone, why not marry the person of your dreams and take him or her along? What about discovering, as the characters Carl and Ellie in Disney Pixar's "Up" do, the good of marital friendship? While they never fulfill their dream of traveling together to South America (their jug of nickels and dimes labeled "Paradise Falls" is shattered with every flat tire and emergency-room visit), they do experience the joy of life together: renovating their home as newlyweds, picnicking and cloud-gazing on lazy summer afternoons, dancing in their candlelit living room after 50 years of marriage.

As focused as we young adults are on self-development, what if the path to that development is actually learning to live with and love another person? We may be startled to find that the greatest adventure lies not in knowing oneself as much as in knowing and committing to another person.

4) Waiting will ensure that you pick the right spouse and you'll be happier in the longrun.

[A] recent study by family scholars at the University of Texas finds that people who wed between the ages of 22 and 25, and remained married to those spouses, went on to experience the happiest marriages. While the authors caution against suggesting that 22 to 25 is the optimal marrying age for everyone, their finding does suggest that "little or nothing is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid twenties." ...

Did I get married too young? I may not have the freedom to globetrot at my own leisure or to carouse at a bar late into the night. But when I step into our 500-square-foot one-bedroom apartment, warmly lighted and smelling of fresh flowers and baked bread, I do have the freedom to kiss my beautiful wife and best friend—the woman I pledged to always love and cherish, and to raise a family with. I have no regrets.

I'm not sure from this article whether David Lapp is a Christian or not. But as a Christian who has recently been through the experience of courting, engagement, and marriage, I could certainly add other reasons why getting married younger is, at times, not only acceptable but even wise. We'll save that for another blog post.

The point here is not that everyone should get married at 21. I'm not the one to say. But what I am arguing for (in this post, from purely pragmatic reasons) that all of you readers who have discouraged people from getting married because they are young, haven't experienced the world, and need to wait to make sure they aren't marrying the wrong person, perhaps you have been led and/or have led astray.

Check out his complete article here.

Comments

[EllieGJ]

I do not opine that every student in the world has got a passion of expository essay accomplishing! However, persons that do not know how to write should utilize a support of professional paper writing service and be satisfied with a result.

[Randy Cox]

I was 19 and my wife 16 when we got married 44 years ago. We are still married. The numbers work for groups of people, but the numbers don't mean so much applied to the individual.

My advice is to know yourself and do what seems right to you.

[pini]

To be honest, I utilized to hang out devoid of my wallet. For me, it was not convenient to carry so massive a wallet.
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[divorce lawyer akron]

this is a very nice entry..though I perfectly agree with your post, Randy Cox has also a point. These things are "standards" or what should be but if you work together to make your relationship better then marriage chooses no age

[Amanda]

Thanks. :-)